And I Didn't Know It
(Poems and Lyrics for Unwritten Songs)

BEACH SONG
(October 10, 2014)
for Leonard Cohen
copyright 2014 by Becky Hendrick

Elsie taught me how to do this,
Elsie’s voice became my guide,
Live your story’s treasured minutes,
Feel the edge where rocks greet tide.

Half my world is endless water,
Eyesight’s line stretched left to right,
East West is my meditation,
Ebb and flow, dark yields to light.

Vengeance, virus, melting ice caps,
Some seek balance, some seek grace,
Some make God a bedtime story,
My God’s gold without a face.

Piet made pulsing blocks of color:
Red blue yellow black and white,  
Some see lines defining borders,
I feel God’s magnetic might.

Wake from dreams and walk to others,
Sandy footprints mark my pace,
Elsie’s voice my faithful compass,
(Looking back I’ve left no trace).

In fact, I do know that I am not  a poet. But something happened to me in 2014, a personal trauma that left me stunned and heartbroken. Out of nowhere, standing at my computer, the following simple couplets rushed out. The preceding poem was written a while after my wounds had, if not healed, then scarred over. While it is more upbeat, it still has a residue of the year's existential atmosphere. Now many months have passed since my brain has produced thoughts in 4/4 time. The following trio of poems served as a healing purge and are posted in the order they were written. (If I were a poet, the verses would not rhyme; I have started thinking of them as lyrics without music!)
​

EMPTY
(August, 2014)
copyright 2014 by Becky Hendrick

So I tell myself they’re busy, 
And they are, there’s not a minute,
But it takes fifty-one seconds
(Yes I’ve timed and clicked to send it) 
Just to say I’m glad to have it
Good to see you, hope you’re better, 
Thank you thank you, you’re the sweetest, 
Even if they do not mean it. 

Now the cork's out of the bottle 
And my promises are fading, 
And the tears keep right on coming 
Even though I’m not unhappy, 
Even though I’m so unhappy 
That a life this full of giving 
Was mistaken for another 
Sign of something not intended. 
 
Mama says they’re only jealous, 
But is pain something to envy? 
How it hurts you can’t imagine
How I only wanted tender 
But instead I get unending 
Nothings marked response to sender.

And the day is not remembered, 
And the box and file are empty,
And the heart remains unanswered,
And the heart...
Remains....
And the heart...

ONE WAY
(September, 2014)
copyright 2014 by Becky Hendrick

Thought I’d always see you coming
As I sped along the street,
Halfway, maybe, at least somewhere,
Though my eyes stayed on my feet.

Never looking at the bright lights
Made by flashing mirrored signs,
But I knew I’d set them spinning
To ignore their true designs.

Still no hint of you approaching
So I pulled back on my pace,
And the signs stilled from their twirling
Showed the image of my face.
​

Seems I’d spun them for my comfort
To deny what they might say:
I don’t need you want you love you ,
No admittance, go away.

Now the highway’s just a narrow
Path of dirt and straw and stone,
And at last I see it’s one way
Made by me for me alone.
​

OVER
copyright 2014 by Becky Hendrick

There will come a time and that time may be now
When all that I can and will say and am saying
Is do what it is that you want and good riddance 
Or what you don’t want to do, don’t do that too.

I’m finally done, count me out, it is over,
I placed the ball square at the heart of your sun,
Your move I watched curious but no longer caring
For too many things left unsaid and undone.

You won’t feel the chill in our not-quite embracing
Or see my smile’s shadow descend on my face,
Sharp words will be hid by the same joking laughter,
Enough that I know what is there in its place.

Without any guilt and without any meanness
I wish you sweet justice with all good intent,
And touching the scars left from decades of silence, 
I say no more, fini, the end, I am spent.